Drive Camels, Not Cars

May 23, 2009 Poisoned
Tags: Funny, Ideas

There are infinite reasons why a camel is a preferable mode of transportation to an automobile, mainly because they have thousands of uses other than just for transportation. Riding a camel is much less dangerous than driving a car, and also far less expensive. It is also a much better way to de-stress after a hard day’s work than fighting with rush hour traffic. They are very environmentally friendly and easy to maintain. After all, a camel is far more affectionate than a corvette.

Camels are extremely practical and efficient. Like I have said before, unlike vehicles, they can be used for many different things other than just taking us around from one place to another. For example, camel milk is very healthy; far more nutritious than that of a cow. It is lower in fat and lactose, and higher in potassium, iron, and Vitamin C. In some countries, camels are farmed almost exclusively for their nutritious milk, that is both delicious and healthy. Though it is a difficult and painstaking procedure, this milk can even be made into cheese. Camels shed their hair every spring and grow a new coat by autumn. This hair is very valuable and is used for making clothing, paintbrushes, and rugs. Additionally, camels are known to be very capable of living on little or no food or water over long periods of time. This means the camel will still be fine if its owner can’t afford to feed it until next payday. However, this is a very rare situation as the camel is a very inexpensive and easy form of transportation.They are far cheaper than cars, both to buy and maintain. One can purchase a camel for a fraction of the price of a new car, and they can live up to fifty years with very little depreciation in value. Instead of consuming expensive fuel, camels would be more than happy to graze on a small patch of grass, weeds, or some thorny twigs. In fact, a camel can also be a very economic replacement for a lawnmower. They do not require any regular maintenance. They don’t need oil changes. They don’t need winter tires. If a camel gets in a collision with another camel, both drivers and their animals will almost certainly remain unscathed. If, for some reason, one of the camels becomes a write-off, it can be sold for meat instead of being towed to a junkyard. Also, camels can be bred quite easily, so after the initial few purchases the owner will never have to worry about ever buying another camel. Any desirable traits can be carefully bred at a very low cost.

Camels have been a long-time friend of the ozone layer. Three thousand years before the birth of Christ, camels were an efficient and dependable mode of transportation. Any fumes they emit are harmless, and even their feces are an excellent fertilizer. There will never be any need for a hybrid, electric or solar-powered camel. Camels have never in any way contributed to global warming and will never begin to do so. They are also one of the safest vessels available for human transportation. One is not required to pass a test before driving a camel, nor is it enforced by law to wear a seatbelt while riding one. There are very few reported cases of road rage between drivers of camels, and it is more likely for a camel driver to wave cheerfully at other riders than make a rude gesture at a camel rider who has unfairly taken his right-of-way. There is no such thing as a camelback high-speed chase, and it would be very difficult for a robber to find a decent getaway camel. Automobiles come in a very distant second when compared to camels for overall usefulness, price economy, and safety. Camels are responsible for far less stress and grief on behalf of their owners than cars. They are simple, efficient and easy to maintain. They are friendly and affectionate, and can fit into virtually every parking space in any lot. Owners will never become jealous of their neighbours with the brand new red two-door sports camel with an eight cylinder five-point-seven liter engine, custom paint job and chrome detailing. There is no doubt; camels are truly the superior form of transportation.

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2 Comments Add your own

• 1. David W  |  May 24, 2009 at 5:08 am

  Camel’s do 0-60 in… never. Therefore take forever to get anywhere. They emit METHANE which is one of the most harmful greenhouse gasses, and in fact the same gas that dairy herds emit – andthe worlds dairy herds contribute more to global warming than modern cars.

  Plus, have you ever ridden a camel? I have, and they are singularly THE most uncomfortable things in existance. Anyway, a Corvette would definatly show you more affection, Camels really hate everything.

  Oh and it’s ‘litre’
  xx

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• 2. Andilicious  |  May 24, 2009 at 10:36 pm

  Your blogs are absolutely brilliant. I may no longer cyberfight, but I am still a fan of girls – and guys – in possession of heavy intellectual artillery. There is nothing mundane, pedestrian, prosaic or otherwise mediocre about you or your thought process and ability to articulate that process. In an insular cyber world of a/s/l cerebral destitution, your dazzling writing is the pyrotechnical manifestation of a profoundly agile mind. Thank you for sharing your gift. Andi

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